Beware the Dog
2003-02-20 || Again Again
I realize that it is getting to be more and more difficult for me to spend time writing. my personal diary has pretty close to retired, this is staggering and stories - haven't happened in quite a while.

A few days ago one of the partner�s at my father�s law firm called him to see if there was any progress on a certain story that I was working on a year ago � there isn�t. A year ago I got my new job, moved in with the boyfriend, started talking about marriage, adopting animals �. Life turned into this strange, boring, more grown up life. One where we watch t.v. a lot, work out, go for walks to the dog park and eat dinner together in the evenings. I started actually going to meetings, typing actual prospectives and contracts, planning events and coordinating with volunteers � doing the things that people put on resumes. The boyfriend applied to law school and I started studying for the GRE to go to grad school and things are just busy and normal.

The comment about the story prompted me to dig up the red folder. The red folder is actually a red three ring binder that is packed to the gills (and by gills, I mean pockets) with stories, parts of things, research a and junk. And as I reread some of these things that I had so passionately worked on, I remember the feelings and how crappy life was when I needed the writing. I was also dying for a cigarette. I quit smoking about the same time that I quit writing.

Last night I started reading The American Stories Unrequired Reading edited by Dave Eggers and I was � well, touched. Not as touched as I was when I was completely absorbed by The Heartbreaking Works of Staggering Genius for the first time � but I definitely had the urge for self expression to go back and make those stories what I wanted them to be then mixed with what I want them to be now.

There is this line in Basquiat the movie when the character Basquiat is saying how people get upset with him when he is out of control and his life is a mess but when he gets his shit together all the critics say that his work is dead � I can�t remember the actual wording but this is the gist. Really.

I have always felt it difficult and mundane to write when I am not sloppy and this weekend will be the first time that I try.

There should be a short story in this space by next week.

Wish me the best.

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