I feel like ass.� Fat ass.� For the past two days I have had nestle chocolate snacks, tootsie rolls and/or lemon drops.� I always feel like ass when I don�t follow the rules.

Yesterday was my �day off� from working out.� Tonight I�ll walk for half an hour with the dog and � hopefully- the boyfriend and then lift weights for half an hour.� Maybe then I�ll feel better.

Maybe writing it down will make me commit.

I found this great new journal �� Well, actually, the boyfriend sent me the link.� This woman is an incredible writer and her dog was just hurt.� Seriously.� Read.� About.� It.

It also seems like the AJC is back to bashing their local non-profits again.� Support the AHS.� Write a letter.� Or volunteer.� Or adopt.� Do something.� NOW.

Because of what I wrote about yesterday and because when I got home last night the boyfriend had bought me flowers, I have been searching on ebags to find him a good, big, cute bag to carry when he starts law school.� He thinks all of the bags that I have found are too small.� If you know of any good bags for sale; tell me.� Actually, if you know of any good hand bags for sale �. Tell me that also.� I love shopping.

I never really got into American Idol� and I still don�t really care.�� I love reality tele with a passion that is annoying AND creepy.� But I still just don�t care who had the bigger single and I don�t care whether that could be a euphemisim for something else.� C�mon now.

The news these days is getting so scary.� It really bugs the hell out of me that corporations will do anything for a buck.� As a bottled water drinker I can not believe that Poland Springs would sell contaminated water at a dollar a bottle.� The bastards.� Seriously, we are disgusting if this is what we think qualifies as free market.� That�s it!� We should boycott Nestle and Calistoga, Ozarka and Deer Park waters.

 Their responsibility my ass!

Also .... I have so much stuff that I have written and never done anything with. So, now it's time kids. Here is my first entry ...

The Wand

"If I could, I would find a magic wand and give it to you.� Then you could fix your problems and then afterwards, you could fix mine."

Once I told someone the things that went on in my head.� That night I described fears and anxieties, the things that made me happy and the things that made me sad.� My selfless friend told me that if they could, they would give me a magic wand to fix my problems.� They said that after I fixed mine then I could use the wand to fix theirs.

It was a romantic night.� One of those nights that you feel like you are both magical ... other-wordly ... not belonging to or held down by this plane.� There was no reason and there was no logic to our conversation.� It was a conversation of and in its self ... it was the means and the end ... and when it was over it was over.

Because as good as that wonderful, beautiful comment made me feel, it didn't make the wand appear.� But it was it's own magic wand - in a way.

For my birthday this year I want a magic wand.� It doesn't have to be pretty, it doesn't have to be big ... actually the smaller, the better.� If it was smaller then I could take it places with me.� But the more I think about it, the more I see how selfish that would be.

So, if I get a magic wand for my birthday then I will use it and immediately pass it on.� But first, I will fix his problems.