I went to Old Navy on my lunch break today because the co-worker that I dog-sat for last week gave me a gift certificate.� I bought a sweater.� Light blue.� Thick-ish.� I am wearing it right now because it is always freezing in my office but so humid outside that I have to wear sleeveless shirts and then freeze at work or else I die walking the five feet to my car after work.� I love the sweater.� I love the co-worker.� Gift certificates, well they just plain kick ass.� And rock.� And whatever cheesy 80s term you would want to insert there.

 

Walking through Old Navy I felt a bit �. I don�t know �. Drab.� I was going to try on a bathing suit but I just felt so dumpy.� This isn�t uncommon.� I often feel dumpy and drab and on special days like today, I feel both.� As I was going to replace the suit �. C�mon, I might be dumpy and drab but I am respectful of the great men and women that work in the retail industry �. a very pretty, blond, make up-y woman approached me and I swear to whatever G-d that you believe in said, �Can I tell you something?� You are very well put together.�� I shit you not.� She said that to me.� As my jaw dropped and I glamorously replied, �Well, that�s a very strange thing to say to me.�� She tried to recruit me for � get this �. Mary Kay!

 

I have to tell you I am frikkin� amazed that someone would ever try to recruit ME for Mary Kay.� I put my eye shadow on with my fingers, cut my own hair, pluck my own eyebrows and have no idea how to apply concealer, base, foundation or blush.� At all.

 

I assured the woman that I was flattered.� I am.� But I am not right for that.� I would be a waste of many people�s time and I am thinking that at times in my life, I already have been.

 

Seriously.� I have been up to my ears in dog diarrhea for the last week.� That isn�t Mary Kay.� That isn�t glammy.� That is me.

 

My Doberman, Atticus, had explosive diarrhea Monday and I spent the day cleaning, pepto-ing the dogs, throwing away all the carpet and rugs in my apartment.� The week before I had diarrhea and a rash and a fever.� The rat terrier, Papi, threw up the Doberman�s weight in dog food and other random items and tid-bits the same night that the dobe had diarrhea and my sister�s poodle seems to be getting a tummy ache as of this morning.� Can�t wait to get home tonight.�

 

When would I have the time to tell someone about makeup?� Why would I?

 

Creeepy.