Beware the Dog
2003-07-09 || Mary Kay gives me the creepycrawlers

I went to Old Navy on my lunch break today because the co-worker that I dog-sat for last week gave me a gift certificate.I bought a sweater.Light blue.Thick-ish.I am wearing it right now because it is always freezing in my office but so humid outside that I have to wear sleeveless shirts and then freeze at work or else I die walking the five feet to my car after work.I love the sweater.I love the co-worker.Gift certificates, well they just plain kick ass.And rock.And whatever cheesy 80s term you would want to insert there.


Walking through Old Navy I felt a bit �. I don�t know �. Drab.I was going to try on a bathing suit but I just felt so dumpy.This isn�t uncommon.I often feel dumpy and drab and on special days like today, I feel both.As I was going to replace the suit �. C�mon, I might be dumpy and drab but I am respectful of the great men and women that work in the retail industry �. a very pretty, blond, make up-y woman approached me and I swear to whatever G-d that you believe in said, �Can I tell you something?You are very well put together.�I shit you not.She said that to me.As my jaw dropped and I glamorously replied, �Well, that�s a very strange thing to say to me.�She tried to recruit me for � get this �. Mary Kay!


I have to tell you I am frikkin� amazed that someone would ever try to recruit ME for Mary Kay.I put my eye shadow on with my fingers, cut my own hair, pluck my own eyebrows and have no idea how to apply concealer, base, foundation or blush.At all.


I assured the woman that I was flattered.I am.But I am not right for that.I would be a waste of many people�s time and I am thinking that at times in my life, I already have been.


Seriously.I have been up to my ears in dog diarrhea for the last week.That isn�t Mary Kay.That isn�t glammy.That is me.


My Doberman, Atticus, had explosive diarrhea Monday and I spent the day cleaning, pepto-ing the dogs, throwing away all the carpet and rugs in my apartment.The week before I had diarrhea and a rash and a fever.The rat terrier, Papi, threw up the Doberman�s weight in dog food and other random items and tid-bits the same night that the dobe had diarrhea and my sister�s poodle seems to be getting a tummy ache as of this morning.Can�t wait to get home tonight.


When would I have the time to tell someone about makeup?Why would I?



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