Beware the Dog
2003-05-24 || Not doing much work - at all

Sometimes I hate working on Saturdays.Today is not one of those days.And despite having gotten a bit of work done, it is only 10:10 a.m. and I am already panty shopping at Gap.Do I have the money to be doing this?Nope.Am I sure that I am going to go through with this order?Nep.But when you are dying to shop, you have to at least �window shop�.I really do need new bras.I have very few because my breasts are too big and it is pointless for me not to buy the good ones.I�ll never be that girl that can wear a t-shirt with out a bra, unless I have the reduction surgery that I have always wanted.But, I am so afraid of the pain.I watch MTV people.I have seen the look on women�s faces when they roll out of cosmetic surgery.I am a wuss and clearly not narcissistic enough to go under the blade � I am close though, I had an appointment with aplastic surgeon when I graduated from college.I even tried to get insurance to cover the reduction.Apparently the only do it for �women that are larger than me.�Which makes no sense.You would think it would be much more harmful to my 5 ft. frame to carry 34 D breasts than a woman that was 5� 8� � right?I wanna� wear a tube top.


I have a piss-poor body image and I always have.I am so one of those women that feels like she is threatened and self conscious in public because I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb.I am so wrapped up in my body image that I even have a hard time believing other women that say that they are comfortable with their bodies.The only time that I am really comfy with my physical body is when I am working out.In college I always took these classes about women�s treatment and post-modern discourse about the male gaze.Last night the boyfriend and I watched Roger Dodger.Roger spends a lot of time in this movie talking about the male gaze and even going further expressing exactly how it is that a man can look at a woman.It�s a strange flick, if you should ever get the chance � It�s the story of a single ad-writer living in Manhattan, who teaches his run-away nephew about women, getting laid and gets back at his boss and former lover all in one adventurous night.Half way through the movie he Roger had smoked so many cigarettes that I wanted to shower and the boyfriend wanted to start smoking again.


Three hours later �


I am still not sure of how much work I am getting done today.



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