Sometimes I hate working on Saturdays.� Today is not one of those days.� And despite having gotten a bit of work done, it is only 10:10 a.m. and I am already panty shopping at Gap.� Do I have the money to be doing this?� Nope.� Am I sure that I am going to go through with this order?� Nep.� But when you are dying to shop, you have to at least �window shop�.� I really do need new bras.� I have very few because my breasts are too big and it is pointless for me not to buy the good ones.� I�ll never be that girl that can wear a t-shirt with out a bra, unless I have the reduction surgery that I have always wanted.� But, I am so afraid of the pain.� I watch MTV people.� I have seen the look on women�s faces when they roll out of cosmetic surgery.� I am a wuss and clearly not narcissistic enough to go under the blade � I am close though, I had an appointment with a� plastic surgeon when I graduated from college.� I even tried to get insurance to cover the reduction.� Apparently the only do it for �women that are larger than me.�� Which makes no sense.� You would think it would be much more harmful to my 5 ft. frame to carry 34 D breasts than a woman that was 5� 8� � right?� I wanna� wear a tube top.

 

I have a piss-poor body image and I always have.� I am so one of those women that feels like she is threatened and self conscious in public because I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb.� I am so wrapped up in my body image that I even have a hard time believing other women that say that they are comfortable with their bodies.� The only time that I am really comfy with my physical body is when I am working out.� In college I always took these classes about women�s treatment and post-modern discourse about the male gaze.� Last night the boyfriend and I watched Roger Dodger.� Roger spends a lot of time in this movie talking about the male gaze and even going further expressing exactly how it is that a man can look at a woman.� It�s a strange flick, if you should ever get the chance � It�s the story of a single ad-writer living in Manhattan, who teaches his run-away nephew about women, getting laid and gets back at his boss and former lover all in one adventurous night.� Half way through the movie he Roger had smoked so many cigarettes that I wanted to shower and the boyfriend wanted to start smoking again.

 

Three hours later �

 

I am still not sure of how much work I am getting done today.