|Beware the Dog|
|2002-12-11 || meanie|
last night i went to a volunteer orientation and training at a local horse park that has a NAHRA handicapped program. the weather sucked, poring rain and cold. seems like every time that i start volunteering the weather is bad. very bad.
at the beginning of the orientation i was such a pessimist. i disliked the volunteer giving the orientation. she didn't seem warm. more condescending. like we didn't belong there. but as time went on i was thinking about what i feel like when i give an orientation or training session for work and how scary it was at first.
the stables are the same stables where i learned to ride and i volunteered in the late 80s version of the program that i think that i am going to start assisting ...
it felt weird being there and i hate that about myself. i mean who has to have a feeling about a volunteer program?
i have tons of feelings that i hate ... most of the surrounding jealousy and discomfort. i am much better at calling myself out on them but i still feel so frustrated and mean all of the time.