at the beginning of the orientation i was such a pessimist. i disliked the volunteer giving the orientation. she didn't seem warm. more condescending. like we didn't belong there. but as time went on i was thinking about what i feel like when i give an orientation or training session for work and how scary it was at first.

the stables are the same stables where i learned to ride and i volunteered in the late 80s version of the program that i think that i am going to start assisting ...

it felt weird being there and i hate that about myself. i mean who has to have a feeling about a volunteer program?

i have tons of feelings that i hate ... most of the surrounding jealousy and discomfort. i am much better at calling myself out on them but i still feel so frustrated and mean all of the time.

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before & after