I am going through a phase where I am so unsure about everything. Every time I go out I spend the rest of the day wondering what I might have done or said that offended someone else. Sometimes I even hit panic level. Total insecurity.

At the same time I am so frustrated with little things all the time. My house is so messy. I was on my hands and knees a half an hour ago, scrubbing the kitchen floor by the door. The way my apartment (which is actually someone else's basment) works is that the door opens into the kitchen and then the reat of the apartment railroads back down a hall - the living room, bedroom, bathroom and "boyroom" are separate. Part of the hall serves as a dressing room/closet although there are crap loads of extra storage space all over the place. The floor is black and white linoleoum tile (one of the main reasons that I wanted so badly to rent here, another being the lack of a pet deposit or utility payments) and is always dirty. I am pretty sure that at least part of the problem is that there is a side room used by the landlors for storage and it opens both to the outside and my apartment. The door to the apartment is vented so all this dust and dirt floats into my place. Even if I vacuum twice a week the joint seems so messy. Having two dogs doesn't help.

I feel so out of control with B starting law school so soon. I meant to save a lot of money but I have been having a mighty tough time not spending it. I need to sit down and budget but I am just waiting for my annual review - in hopes of a raise which will probably be so small that it will suck anyways.

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before & after